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In which I am distinctly whelmed by Battlestar Galactica, 15 years too late.

Disclaimer: normally, I only post on this site about things I absolutely, wholeheartedly love. I do not feel this way about Battlestar Galactica. However, I had an extremely good time watching it, and like the compilation below enough to post it here. Also, obviously, uh, spoilers ahead. Onward to the content!

First, some backstory. The “new” Battlestar Galactica began airing more than fifteen years ago. My husband has been begging me to watch it with him for at least ten years. I have been steadfastly refusing for longer than my children have been alive, mostly because when I commit, I commit.

But finally, thanks to the pandemic stopping filming on pretty much every current show we normally watch, and emptying out our queue of shows we kept meaning to get to, I agreed. It was finally time. I would watch BSG.

Here is where I give a grateful shout out to my friends, who were forced to put up with two months of me sputtering about a show they had all seen fifteen years ago, and were deeply gracious about all of it.

So, without further adieu, here is a compilation of the texts, tweets, and private messages I sent to various people while I watched this fifteen year old show in its entirety over the course of two months of evenings.

July 24th 8:45 PM We are starting Battlestar Galactica tonight, after like ten years of D asking if I would watch it. I finally gave in and got the DVDs from the library and he is like BESIDE HIMSELF. At dinner he goes “ARE YOU READY FOR TONIGHT?!!” like we have freaking tickets or something

July 25th 8:01 PM Battlestar Galactica update: we at down to watch the first episode last night, and eventually I turned to D and said, “this seems long! Was the pilot movie length?” Answer. No. It’s a FOUR HOUR miniseries, and on DVD there are no breaks. LOL. (We stopped after an hour and a half)

July 31st 8:58 PM Battlestar Galactica update: so this show is basically… Assholes Fight Robots? In Space?

9:34 PM The only one I like is Billy.

August 3rd 9:29 PM Battlestar Galactica update: they remain assholes in space, but Mary McConnell probably deserves some kind of Acting Trophy.

August 4th 9:19 PM Battlestar Galactica update: there is… a lot of religion in this show. I feel like it plays a little differently now than it might have before. I don’t love it, to be honest.

August 4th 10:16 PM More BSG: I get that it was a product of the time it was made but they made this show so relentlessly heterosexual and it’s just not believable at ALL.

10:17 PM Like. There’s no way most of these people are straight. They literally had to show Starbuck sleeping with random dudes to force people to believe it.

10:19 PM A list of characters on Battlestar Galactica that are definitely not straight (incomplete):
-all of them
-Ellen and Saul Tigh, separately and together
-Lee Adama
-every Cylon

10:20 PM Oh wait I put Lee on there twice. He’s extremely bi.

10:21 PM Anyway the only character who is straight is probably Cally, and it’s mostly because Nicki Clyne is still in that weird sex cult.

August 6th 8:47 PM BSG update: I just turned to D and said, “Space doctors: notoriously grumpy.”

August 10th 9:42 PM BSG update: You can’t try to make me believe any of the Cylons are straight when you make LUCY LAWLESS a Cylon. Frankly I’m offended at this blatant abuse of suspension of disbelief.

August 12th 8:57 PM BSG update: I am very distracted by the fact that their uniform includes backwards tank tops over tshirts. Official tank tops! Government sanctioned tank tops! Worn backwards by law!

August 14th 9:22 PM BSG update: I like Helo. Poor, put-upon Helo. Everyone else still assholes (except Billy. Still Team Billy.)

10:08 PM Ugh Billy died before he could settle into a mutually satisfying triad with Dee and Apollo. Now the show is pretty much 99.9% asshole. Stay alive, Helo!!!!

In response to a friend waxing rhapsodic over Helo’s cheekbones:

10:20 PM Listen I would ALSO have nasty robot sex in the forest with Tahmoh Penikett. Whomst among us, etc

August 15th 8:51 PM Lollllll my fave fanfic character’s actor just showed up on BSG

10:15 PM (Obviously he was seen for about thirty seconds and then died horribly, as is to be expected)

August 20th 9:39 PM BSG update: Grace Park deserves so much more than the bullshit she got on Hawaii 5-0. Give her all the roles.

10:11 PM Another BSG update: I am sometimes attracted to and sometimes repulsed by Laura Roslin, so, like. Still pretty gay over here.

10:21 PM Her jawline tho.

August 22nd 9:32 PM BSG update: all of these people are so clearly gay and yet none of them are gay for EACH OTHER, all the fanfic is Roslin/Adama, ugh

August 23rd 10:19 PM BSG update: literally every one of the 49,705 or whatever citizens is an asshole EXCEPT FOR HELO. (And Billy, who remains dead. RIP)

August 27th 10:20 PM BSG update: people keep having religious epiphanies and ethical quandaries and crises about the nature of life and I just feel bad for, like, the button-pusher at tactical substation B who is just trying to do his G-D space job.

10:21 PM Also the fact that they managed to find a space court stenographer for the big trial had me in hysterics.

August 31st 9:47 PM BSG update: I, uh, accidentally returned all of the discs for the upcoming season to the library? Because I forgot that I’d already returned the ones we’d watched? And now they’re on a 5 day quarantine til I can check them out again. 🤦‍♀️

9:50 PM So I guess stay tuned for more Carnival Row tweets, aka the Cara Delevigne Appreciation party

9:51 PM (I would absolutely have wing sex with Cara Delevigne if she were remotely interested in me)

September 11th 8:46 PM BSG update: I got the DVDs. Starbuck’s back and it’s getting mystical af up in this space drama.

September 12th 9:54 PM BSG update: season 4 Roslin took a hard left into unsympathetic, whew. Also apparently we’re going with ‘creepy vision baby’ as the central plot line, I guess?

9:55 PM I miss Billy.

September 13th 8:41 PM BSG update: this thing where Lee Adama wears suits and looks frustrated in meetings is not really working for me

9:09 PM Oh god I’ve figured it out, they had him grow his hair out and it took all his acting ability with it

September 15th 9:21 PM BSG update: they found earth and it’s shitty.


9:57 PM BSG: Mary McConnell deserves two acting trophies. One for herself and one for having to act opposite all of Edward James Olmos’ Manly Grimacing.

10:21 PM BSG again: …so, uh, they really go all in and violently kill off every single Black woman on this show to serve white people storylines, huh

10:22 PM And by every, I mean two. 40,000 people in the fleet and two Black women.

September 16th 9:46 PM BSG update: should they really be leaving all those candles burning on a spaceship?

September 17th 9:24 PM BSG update: MUTINY! Gunfire in the streets! President Roslin in the sheets!

9:28 PM Also BSG update: I love Mark Sheppard. Going to go find a bunch of Sterling fic on AO3 tonight.

September 17th 10:11 PM The only openly gay character on BSG was Admiral Cain. probably trying to add complexity to the longstanding queer villain tradition in Hollywood, blah blah, ugh, why can’t this show BE MORE GAY.

10:11 PM The internet tells me that Gaeta is bi in the web exclusives, and he just got EXECUTED FOR TREASON while his leg rotted off, so, like, they’re really treating us well out there in space, yeah?

10:12 PM Listen all I want is an ensemble space show where nearly everyone is actually queer. Frankly I want a queer ensemble forensic show too but maybe things will happen faster in the vacuum of space.

10:13 PM (Yes I know about Discovery and I’m very pleased about it except that I am wildly uninterested in prequels and haven’t been able to get into it.)

10:15 PM Here comes the most niche tweet I will ever tweet: Gaeta’s boyfriend Hoshi has big David Parrish vibes so I’m into it, of course, and hope that he finds a non-treasonous big sexy space marine to cuddle.

10:16 PM I have a real Stargate Atlantis fanlore problem ok

September 19th 10:25 PM BSG update: I’m glad I read ahead, the miscarriage stuff was hard to watch even knowing what was going to happen. Also glad for the forewarning about Michael Trucco’s dumb cute face.

September 20th 9:19 PM BSG update: Adama is ANGRY PAINTING his quarters. Oh, wait, now he is SAD PAINTING. More Manly Grimacing.

September 21st 9:29 PM BSG update: cool that they had moving boxes sitting around on the battleship after four years of algae rations and space warfare, seems like a totally reasonable thing to keep in space storage. Labeled THIS SIDE UP and everything.

9:31 PM I remain astonished at the sheer amount of paper products the remnant of human civilization goes through. They must have a whole ass recycling ship in addition to the tylium ship, I’m just saying.

In response to a friend commenting that somebody had to cut all those corners off:

9:54 PM Did the props department on this show win any awards, because they should have. All those cornerless books

September 22nd 8:56 PM BSG update: ADMIRAL HOSHI

9:53 PM WHEW that wrapped up fast. Everyone is farmers now! Centurions fly away! Sam flies the fleet into the sun and never gets to regrow his hair! All the spaceships go away except for some reason Adama gets to fly one down to earth? What, do they bury it?

10:04 PM Oh no wait they took a bunch of little spaceships to bury

10:06 PM So Kara just goes off to do, like, ghost angel things and Lee is going to go climb every mountain on earth and wank alone on them, I guess?

10:08 PM Bloop, Roslin saw flamingos and died

10:19 PM So wait, it’s ok that we’re going down the scary technological path or whatever because this time we kiss the robots and/or have sex with them? Is that what that last montage meant?

10:19 PM Did a robot write this

September 22nd 10:51 PM My initial BSG impression: “so this show is basically… Assholes Fight Robots? In Space?” My final BSG thoughts: some of the assholes turned out to be robots. some of the robots turned out to be assholes. Also, needs more gays. Billy 4 Prez.